Gesina was a little fussy this afternoon but I guess that's because she has a tendency to stay awake most of the morning. By the time I get there at noon she is tired and hungry. The nurse today has pointed out that Gesina won't eat until she is calm. If I get to her and she's upset, anxious, etc. she can't focus on eating. You have to get her calm and at an emotionally neutral point before she can eat. She also is doing really well with her pacifier so I'm encouraged that she has the mechanics down of how to eat, she just needs the motivation. It's hard to be motivated when the feeding tube always comes through for you. She gets fed every 4 hours, not 5 as I said before. So at 1 pm she took 18 ml by nursing but about 40 or 50 ml by bottle. At 5 pm she took 32 ml by nursing but was so exhausted that she then fell asleep so we just fed her the rest through the tube.
I did have a very annoying moment with a nurse today which is a first for me and it wasn't my nurse. After I had lunch I came back to my pod area to find one of the other babies screaming. I checked Gesina who was sleeping and looked over and there were parents visiting their baby right next to the screaming child. They looked at me with that expression of wide-eyed anxiety caused by a screaming baby. A nurse I've never had before was tending to the baby next to Gesina. With my hands clamped behind my back, I walked towards the screaming baby. As I passed the parents near him I mentioned that maybe if I just talk to him he'll calm down and went to talk to him. I had no intention of touching or getting too close to him. Well, the nurse yelled in a scolding tone "You can't go near any of the other babies!" As I walked back to Gesina's area I mentioned to the nurse that I was just going to talk to him and she said in a terse voice "[other nurses name] has it covered." I understand that if this is a policy that it should be upheld and you never know how the parents would respond to their child being exposed to another (rogue) parent interacting with their child. BUT as a parent, listening to an obviously distressed baby is difficult to do. Also, I'm a parent of a NICU baby. I didn't ask for this situation, where the only way I can see my baby is in a pod with other babies, parents and nurses there all the time. Because I have to stay in the same room all the time everyday, then don't make my environment hostile by being rude to me. This nurse works in my pod once in a great while yet this pod is my life right now. I'm there everyday and I need to feel comfortable, supported, and respected. I know I'm blowing this out of proportion but a simple and reasonable explanation (even an hour after the fact) would have prevented my angst. Grrr. From the nurses perspective, she had to listen to this baby screaming for awhile and may be on edge because of it. Because she didn't know me, she may have misinterpreted what I planned to do to a child that was not my own. So, I'm trying to be understanding but the NICU nurses job is to take care of babies and families. Even if the family is not your "charge" you just don't get harsh with them. Don't get me wrong, these nurses are amazing and all but this one have been there for me 100%. But I know parents can request some nurses not take care of their child and she may be the one I mention. Blah. I hate to start a feud or create any bad blood when I need the support of the nurses in the NICU, but I never want to deal with this nurse again.
I hope tomorrow is better. Gesina should have her EEG so we may get some sense of what the next steps are. Until then, I'm trying to get over my annoyance and obsession with this nurse and what transpired. Grrr.
WHAT?!?!? I understand to a point...but wth was HER problem. Why didn't SHE try to comfort the baby? You don't have a choice, you have to follow their rules, I get it, I hate it so badly for you. She certainly didn't have any consideration to the other babies or parents now did she? I wonder if the chaos bothers gesina? I don't see how it couldn't. ANOTHER good reason for her to be home!! Only being allowed to do what "they" say. I can't even imagine how frustrating it is for you:( It makes me wonder if they let them cry like that all the time? I'm boiling mad & hurt right now, I don't know which is worse....the baby crying & alone or my anger at how she spoke to you. Mak & I read your updates every day. He & I are fuming right now...lol....I spose we're a lil hot headed too...lolol.....Both of us feel a huge ache for you, we think you've handled all of this like a champ. It's just not an easy situation all the way around. I am throwing all the positive I can your way. We want Gesina to be home, with you and Adrian, where you can "do" for her the way you need too. I do wanna ask one thing though...I know I don't have a right too, but...maybe a few times a year, update us about how she's doing after you get her home? I know we'll most likely never meet, but your journey has come to mean a lot to us:) We're believing her EEG will be good, that she'll be in a position to come home, like...NOW. We're all on pins and needle to see how it goes for ya'll. If peoples well wishes and positive thoughts and energy mean anything...lololol......you've got it all in spades:) Try to let it go (the hateful, mean nurse), you've got to rest! Don't forget to eat something. Here's to an awesome day tomorrow...huggzzz from Central Mississippi:)
ReplyDeleteJackie, some people just don't have good manners or personalities, nurses included. Don't let this get to you, she has to go home with herself:) You now understand the feeling a parent has even when they hear someone elses child in distress. It hurts the heart.
ReplyDeleteSagesmoon, this is Jackie's mom and Gesina's grandmother. I want you to know how much your posts have meant to many of us. You have found the uplifting parts and brought them to our attention and made us appreciate the good things that are happening and not the bad things that might happen. You have been appreciated.
Awe:) Thank you Ms Diane....:) I understand how hard it can be. I've not been in the same shoes, but, unfortunately as parents, so many of us have had hardships to overcome and lessons to learn...I told Mak, there isn't anything we can do physically to help, but as long as she posts, she'll be able to count on seeing a positive reply everyday. She doesn't know us, but I wanted so badly for her to have a "constant"...even if it is from an ole crazy stranger...lol...we have to cling to all the positive. It's what keeps us all goin'. I know your heart has to feel like it's lodged in your throat waiting for every update! We are many many many miles apart, but still, that thread of compassion can cross miles faster than the speed of light. I've been sad, angry, heart broke and elated reading the updates. I'm gonna be here everyday, cheering her on, refusing anything but the best for Baby Gesina:) I'm amazed at how well Jackie has handled all this...oh yeah, I know, there have been tears, recriminations, down days...my gosh, how could there not be? She has had to deal with a myriad of emotions this last 6 weeks...I hate so badly that ANY parent has to deal with all the ups and downs right from the start, but a first time mama? Come on now...as if that isn't scary enough already...?...!..
ReplyDeleteShe's doin' great, she's gonna keep doin' great...Ya'll keep hangin' in there. When you get that baby home and you get to cuddle her with out all the bells, whistles, nurses and contraptions, you just give her an extra cuddle and a few kisses from us...We're thinking about ya'll & we'll be thinking about ya'll...Beth & Terry McDonald
Getting mad at the nurses is a good sign. The best nurses go to the babies they are most worried about. It is also a good sign for you. You have been there so long, you know exactly how to take care of your baby. You will do great in the stomach tube training. Don't let the CPR training freak you out. Just keep your notes on the fridge. They came in handy with my son, who choked on his food as he was learning how to eat. Maybe go in for a refresher course in a couple of months, when you are in a less stressful environment. So excited for you.
ReplyDelete