Fear

Now I'm getting a little scared. I struggled to feed Gesina; she just wouldn't create a suction on anything. I'm scared she is going backwards on eating. She had also not really done a great job with the nurses overnight either. There is only one nurse that has luck feeding her; her normal daytime nurse. Luckily that nurse is working everyday through Wednesday so Gesina won't starve but she'll take 100 ml from the daytime nurse and as low as 30 ml from a nighttime nurse. I know they are not going to let her starve but this regression is making me nervous. I'll learn everything I can about the daytime nurses technique (she thinks Gesina is just very, VERY particular), but I fear the feeding tube is in her future. Honestly, she acts like feeding her is akin to torture. She used to nurse with no problem but she wouldn't even do that today. It's not like she was generally fussy today either. She just pitches a fit when we try to feed her. If we want to just hang out with her, she is fine and in a good mood. She seems to have a negative association with the bottle that we've got to find a way to overcome. Again, I'm grateful she didn't come home and lose a lot of weight. I would be crushed to bring her back and the guilt would be pretty hard to overcome. But now I'm just worried and it's hard for me to understand how eating is difficult for a baby to do. I suspect that's a naive statement but eating just seems as basic to me as breathing. Blah.