When I finally got to see Gesina, she was awake and doing well. The nurse got her to take 95 and 90 ml from the bottle earlier today and she was just warming up her next bottle when I arrived. I got Gesina to take 75 ml but it was hard earned! The nurse worked pretty hard to keep me from beating up on myself because I struggle to feed Gesina and often compare my efforts to the nurses. I was reminded that the nurses are professional baby feeders and I have only done this a few times. Gesina is a bit finicky about feeding and today what was slowing her down is halfway through she decided that she must have a diaper change before she could continue. I think I have a high maintenance baby girl (to go with my high maintenance significant other!). I have to remember to cut myself some slack in the next few weeks. It's hard to accept but at this time the nurses know Gesina better than I do. They have spent whole days/shifts attending to her over the last 6 weeks and I've only gotten snippets of time with her. I get to learn her patterns and personality very soon (yay) but I have to be okay with the fact that I'm starting from scratch. I did have a small win moment with her today. She was fussing in her crib and I tried to calm her in the more traditional ways I had been using in the past but nothing was truly working. So I stopped and thought what do I want to do? I picked her up and instead of sitting down with her (what you do in the NICU because of all the tubes, wires, and rule-bound nurses who yell at you if you stray from your 2 x 2 area), I remained standing and just swayed with her back and forth. She calmed down immediately and just looked around happily. I finally felt like I may be able to do this and that my instincts were there, just waiting for me to use them.
As for when Gesina will come home, I won't know until Friday morning. She needs to eat without the feeding tube for two days AND gain weight in that time. So far she has not gained weight, she has stayed the same weight. If she does well tomorrow with the bottle and gains weight, she can come home. The doctors will make that decision Friday morning after they do their rounds. In the meantime, I'm getting Gesina's prescriptions filled and looking forward to spending a lot of time with her tomorrow. I am determined to figure out how to feed Gesina and learn as much as possible from the nurses while I still can!
Okay, Before I get into Anything else, this is one of the most positive posts I've heard yet...Why you ask?....I'm glad you asked...! Because, Dear Jackie, YOU have proven to yourself, that you can handle this. You listened to your inner voice and did what she needed/wanted:) The other half of this is....drum roll please.....Gesina played you(well not really but kinda)....YAY, Who Hoo, Yipee and all the others I don't remember right now...!!! SHE knew what SHE wanted. YOU, being the Awesome mama you are, Gave it to her...Why would she want to "just hear your voice" When she could be held, cuddled, feeling the warmth and connection with her mama? Oh Yeah, she got the newborn thing goin' on...:)
ReplyDeleteYes, you're absolutely right, the nurses DO spend more time with her. But yet...WHO knew what to do? She saw/heard you, she knew what she wanted, so did you...;)
I'm glad your car was ready:) One less thing to stress about. I know going to School was huge, something familiar to help ground you, that's another positive:)
I may be wrong, but, I wonder if being in the NICU is stressful for her? I wonder if she frets because you aren't there? Does she lay and cry like the boy baby did the other day? I know they can't hold them continuously, but I wonder if all the activity 24-7 bothers her? I have to believe she'll relax more at home with ya'll. That's not to say that she will instantly be "happy go lucky" all the time(of course she might) But most babies just gotta see how far the "line in the sand' can go...lolol...You didn't Really think that was reserved for teenagers did you...? lolo If Mak hadn't climbed trees today, I'd wake him up for the good news, but you can bet, as soon as we get up, it'll be the first thing he asks about:)
Even parents who don't have NICU babies, have to learn. We all do. Are you gonna be exhausted and break down crying when nothing seems to work...of course. Are you gonna forget all that when she finally sleeps and looks like the lil angel she is? Yep...I know ya'll will do fine. You'll support each other, you'll learn little tricks from each other. Then you'll notice that things Adrian does work for him but not you, and vice versa.
So thankful, we can literally start counting the hours, maybe days...instead of weeks...I'd say, that's just one more positive...
Jackie: It was great to see you back are RU. You have enough positive energy to make it all turn out ok. We are all with you Gesina, and Adrian.
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