Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Emotional day
I've cried so many times today and experienced so many emotions that I'm exhausted! I'm excited to have my baby at home, scared I'll fall short at being a mom, overwhelmed with only 7 hours of caring for a 7 week old baby, and terrified my life will never be calm again. As a friend on Facebook said, I'll take it one day at a time. I made it through 53 days of the NICU so that gives me some confidence but right now I have to get my hour of sleep in before it is the next feeding time!
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Jackie I guarantee you will not fall short of being a good mom, you have already rose to the top of the list in my eyes. All you have to do is love her (and you have already shown that you do) and it will come naturally to you. Your life may not be calm every day but mostly it will be filled with love and teaching a new person how to survive in the world, Give yourself some time to adjust, life will be easier now. Love, mom
ReplyDeleteOh Jackie....you're doin' Fine as a mama...it's gonna be stressful...it would be for any mama, sick baby or not...Just remember, it's kinda like cramming for finals...deep breath, look around...if it's not broke, layin' on the floor bleeding, or dyin'...let it go. The calmer you stay, the more in control you'll be.
ReplyDeleteListen to your mama & friends...You have come so far, you've been through hell the last(basically) 2 months. She is behind on the adjusting thing. You will have to learn right along side of her. Your doin' an amazing job. I'm sure you don't feel that way right now, but you are. If you still have hair on your head...you're doin' pretty "okay".
You are a strong, well grounded person. That shows in how you convey yourself in your writing...DO NOT sell yourself short.
You cried today-good, happy tears? Great
You cried today- your tired, stressed, give out, worried, & "what if's" are terrifying you...?
If your mostly the last one...Welcome to the wonderful, terrifying, gratifying, paralyzing(w/fear) OMG what was I thinkin'...?....how am I ever gonna do this...?
Yep, you have finally arrived at your targeted destination...your a mama...I know this won't help, but....even mamas without your experience thus far.....yep, terrified...
I don't think there is a mama alive, who wouldn't admit to deep seated fears...(well, not if their honest anyway...!)
You have your mama, your friends, GOOGLE, tons of websites(I've looked into them too, so I could learn a lil bit about what your dealing with) KNOWLEDGE is good, BUT, you knew what to do then(in the NICU) you'll figure it out now.
It's completely OKAY, to worry, to wonder...REACH out to the mamas on these groups and threads. I wasn't able to nurse, But Kells wanted to so badly. She struggled, I felt useless to help her, because I'd not been able too myself, I didn't know HOW to help her. She fought like hell to get Pru to nurse like she should. The help of a family member & some of the bloggers I follow and talk too, helped her SOOOOO much. She is a first time mama too, She'll come and ask me, "will it ever get easier, will I ever just Know?" Pru is almost 2...Kells still asks me, am I doin' ok? Am I a good enough mama to Pru? We all have doubts Sweety...you will doubt yourself at every turn...it's okay, we've all been there. Both of my girls were sick at age 4-6 mo.s to about 1 1/2 years old...I didn't escape it with either one. I had to deal with the same issue with them both, the ear infections didn't respond to antibiotics. We were at Scottish Rite in Atlanta, seemingly more that at home.... I still blamed myself for them dealing with the same things. One they said would be at the very least hearing impaired if not deaf.
NO this is NOTHING like what your learning your way through. The point is, we all feel guilt. Then you're gonna feel guilty for being aggravated that your aggravated...lol...it's a vicious circle...you'll be okay. You have an amazing network of family and friends, reach out, even if just to talk and share your day. Don't close yourself off, you need to let folks support you:) I can't do much...but I'll listen, or just set on the phone with you so you won't feel alone.
Hang tough Mama, you got this...!
Dear Jackie: I am so happy that the baby is at home now ! What a relief! It IS a little scary to be the only one 'in charge' when you bring the baby home, but you will do amazing, even with the lack of sleep. And, remember, 4 hours is enough to get you through one block of a sleep cycle (stage 4 to 1 to 4 again) and therefore can be somewhat refreshing/allow you continue to be functional! Just being at home and with you will be so beneficial for her. I am definitely thinking about you through all of this!!
ReplyDeleteSo, sooooo happy! You WILL do fine, Jackie! Relax when you can and breathe...
ReplyDeleteCongrats! So glad she is home w/ u guys!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing, that with all the hormones running through our brains, that we can do as well as we do parenting. :) I'm sure it will be less overwhelming soon. But what a learning curve.
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