Secret of a special needs mom

Now that Gesina is getting older and babies her age are gaining more skills, the gap between Gesina and her peers is widening. This means people now look at me a little differently when I'm out and about with my girl. This is going to get much worse as she no longer fits in her infant car seat. Why does that matter? Because now when we go to the grocery store or Target, she has no where to sit. She doesn't have the head or trunk control to sit in the cart. You know what the only solution is? I get to bring Gesina into the store in her wheelchair/stroller combo. Picture me coming at you down the aisle while I push my 15 month old in a wheelchair/stroller and pull a cart. Good thing we both have a flair for the dramatic because we are going to get lots of attention.

But you know what my secret is? That I love my child more than most moms love their child. Gesina is my inspiration, my hero, my survivor and if I end up demonstrating half the strength she has in the last year, then I will have lived a full life. When people find out about Gesina, one reaction is they apologize to me and offer pity about the circumstances of her birth. What they don't realize is that I don't need their pity. I'm the luckiest mom out there because I gave birth to my hero. I pity those who haven't had to fight for their child as much as I have in her 15 months of life. All this fighting for her, all the hazing of 37 doctors appointments in one year, has left me loving this child more than anything or anyone on earth. When Gesina farts and startles herself, I couldn't laugh harder. When she opens her mouth with enthusiasm because she loves banana oatmeal I couldn't be more proud. And when she sends one of her slow smiles towards her papa just because she finds his voice funny, my heart couldn't explode with love any more than it just has. Gesina doesn't have to run faster than other kids or use more words than kids her age for me to be proud of her or love her more. I love her just for her spunk and her audacity to be alive when many have told me should wouldn't make it. Anything she does from here on out is just icing on the cake.

So when you see a mom with a special needs kid, don't assume she is wallowing in self-pity. Look at the moms eyes and you may see that she is just like me. She may have already realized that she too has a secret, that her child is the coolest person she knows and that she wouldn't change a thing about him/her. Gesina may have a laundry list of health conditions that place her in the disabled category, but she is so much more than that. For those of you lucky enough to have met her, she is extremely dramatic, sends many sarcastic messages with her eyes, loves getting hugs and has continuously chapped cheeks from getting them kissed, likes to play "baby fingers" on her iPad with Rufus the cat, and thinks her daddy is the funniest man alive. Just imagine how much more personality she is going to share with us as she gets older!