Saturday, August 27, 2016

Fundraising

I have set-up a fundraising page for Gesina's stem cell treatment! Please feel free to share and check back here for updates. If you have any tips on traveling with a special needs 2 year old, I'm all ears!

Help Gesina Warrior Princess get Stem Cells

Friday, August 26, 2016

It's been awhile but things are going well

Gesina is now 2 years 8 months 21 days, and yes I did have to use an age calculator to get that right. If you know me in person, you'll recall that I was absolutely convinced I was 38 years old... for TWO YEARS. It was only after miscalculating my cats age that I figured out that I missed being 37 all together :-( A lot has been going on so I'll recap by "system". 

Stomach/feeding - I had to fire her GI this year and get a new one. I'm on my fourth GI but the last one flipped out on me and I just don't have time for that. Gesina was not eating and was vomiting in December right before Christmas, I called GI frantic (I rarely ask for help so if I call a doctor, I am super serious) and they ignored me for a week. Thankfully I had an appointment with the GI after that week and had gotten Gesina through with tube feeding her real baby food and sometimes mixed real food with her formula as best I could. GI flipped out, declared I may have hospitalize her immediately because she may have/get "refeeding syndrome". Hmmm, so after ignoring me you now care and are thinking I starved her? Awesome. To keep her out of the hospital, I ended up having to get her blood tests every other day NEARLY having to cancel Christmas plans. She was fine, I got her to Christmas with the family, and I got a new GI doctor. The new GI only wants to see Gesina once every 6 to 12 months instead of the every 3 months of torture I was going through. He is also able to read the growth chart for a child with quadriplegia cerebral palsy and realizes that Gesina is NOT underweight and forcing her to gain weight will only hurt my back as I carry her around. I love him; therapists and SOME other doctors on Team Gesina are not yet convinced the lag in between appointments are a good idea. My stress level has gone down so I'm good for now.

Neurology/Brain - Gesina is still seizure free, is on 1 seizure medication, and in April we did a repeat EEG to find that there is "20% improvement" in her abnormal EEGs. This is a statement from my very conservative neurologist so he and I are shocked and happy about this. I have added fish oil to Gesina's supplements and not just me but her teachers at daycare have noticed her being more "aware." Her vision is a work in progress but she has a new room decked out in everything bright contrasting colors and reds. Here is cortical visual impairment "friendly" artwork created by her friends in her daycare classroom:



She is getting better at focusing her attention when she is shown items/toys/faces that make noise or talk. She loves clapping and applause so I'm thinking she may be a football fan this fall. She LOVES her classmates at daycare and when I bring Gesina to school, her classmates yell "Gesina's here!" I wish they could stay that excited to see her forever! She babbles a bit still and seems to do so somewhat in response to others. Here's a video when she just woke up, happy and babbling.



Muscles/Body - Gesina is getting stronger in her neck and core muscles. She likes to stand with her AFOs (Ankle-Foot-Orthotics) on leaning onto an exercise ball. I can put her arms in front of her and she flings herself and lifts her head up. It's so adorable when she does this because one, she has a beautiful face (I'm not biased at all) and two, she looks around like she's never seen the world from her current view before. Her upper body is more stiff than her lower body and she gets phenol and botox injections to help with the stiffness.



Next up is a new swallow study to see if we can finally give her liquids, a meeting with the school representatives (she starts school in JANUARY), and STEM CELL THERAPY! Not covered by insurance of course, but has been shown to not hurt kids but instead helps them to varying degrees. I will take any boost I can get so stay tuned on that.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Gesina is 2 years old!

She was predicted to not get this far by at least two doctors... silly doctors. Gesina has been seizure free since February. Don't get me wrong, she has moments of "odd" neurological behaviors, but nothing I or her neurologist would call a seizure. She is no longer on Phenobarbital and is one month away from being free of Clonazepam! This scares me as just saying this all out loud, seems like I'll jinx it but there it is. But she is keeping it together and will be down to only 1 seizure med, gulp.

My poor girl has experienced pain this year. The year has included teething where she has felt EVERY SINGLE TOOTH come in, numerous hospital stays with difficulty breathing as every cold threatens to get stuck in her lungs, plus, weaning off these meds is more difficult than you can imagine because she gets most of the withdrawal symptoms. With all that said, she has been "waking up" as she comes off these sedating seizure meds and she SMILES a lot. She hasn't laughed since her first time last year but if she isn't sick or going through withdrawal, she is smiling and happy. She had strings of good happy days where she babbles, is great with her therapy, and is fun to be around. When things go bad, she won't do therapy and demands to be held at all times. I get hungry stuck to my chair cuddling her, but I'm so thankful that she's here and is a cuddler! Here's her year 2 Birthday montage, enjoy!


Monday, October 19, 2015

The invisible elephant in the room

I've begun to notice that when I'm out and about with Gesina, people are starting to realize she's different. Often I get the "awww, she must be sleepy" comments when people try to engage Gesina in conversation and it seems as if she is ignoring them. Or when people see me carrying Gesina who is obviously not "helping" by latching her legs around my waist and has her face buried in my shoulder. Gesina has water therapy every week at the Y on Friday mornings. She loves water therapy! While she's in the pool there is a water aerobics class for those with the aches and pains that come with age. Gesina loves to listen to them chatter and they tend to enjoy seeing her as well. Last week one of the ladies came to me out in the hall (the viewing area so I can see Gesina's progress) and she said watching Gesina just breaks her heart. She asked what was her diagnosis so I filled her in. She was so sad for us! I let her know that it's okay, mom's like me are fine. We think our kids are perfect just the way they are and really couldn't love them more than we already do. She seemed dubious but somewhat comforted by that but it made me think.

When Gesina and I go about our business, those who see us see the "big elephant" in the room. Gesina is different. She defies what they anticipate from a child her age. She isn't following the script or norms society has laid out for her. This is unsettling so people tend to seek a reason (sleepy? and as she get's older, just what is wrong with this kid?) as to why this child is different. When they realize they don't have enough information, they may ask, make assumptions, or worse, panic and quickly look away. Gesina's differences is the elephant in the room for them. The thing is, her difference isn't an elephant in the room for me (or Gesina so far). We go through our day modifying how we do things, taking pleasure and joy out of what we can and living in the moment with no thought to what the future holds. So when we cross-paths with someone new, our mind is on regular everyday minutia when their mind may be obsessing about making sense of Gesina's differences.

So what does all this mean? Well, my pre-Gesina self was overwhelmed with anxiety when I came across an individual with a disability. What do I do, what do I say, where do I LOOK, how do I make sense of the elephant in the room!! Now, on the other side of that experience or at least as a mom pushing the wheelchair, I can finally give some insight. We don't see the elephant. We've accepted the diagnosis, the treatment, the outcomes, the prognosis. We've moved on and are just trying to enjoy the day. So there is no need to address the elephant in the room, it's invisible to us. Instead, react as you would to anyone that doesn't have a huge elephant sitting in front of them. Comment on the weather, a smile, a neat shirt; heck, a cool wheelchair. You are not belittling an individual with a disability by looking past their disability. Gesina and I are bombarded with information on her condition at every doctor's appointment (every three months we revisit 3 specialist doctors and her pediatrician) and every therapy session (4 sessions a week with 3 or 4 different therapists). Any given stranger isn't going to tell us anything we don't already know by addressing the elephant. Also, while I am an educator and am happy to raise awareness, I'm also just a mom who want to be sure her daughter is having a good time. So when we are just out and about, feel free to connect with us by ignoring the elephant. It's okay to look Gesina in the eye and smile. She may not react the way you expect but at least by treating her like a nearly 2 year old, she'll have ample opportunity to learn how to react like a 2 year old. I once heard a doctor say that if you treat your child like she's blind, she'll be blind. So I intend to treat Gesina like she is a 2 year old, so she can just be a 2 year old. And with that, I leave you with her Halloween outfit. This silly girl LIKES tutus!

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

No more Pheno (barbital, that is)

So I just requested and got permission to stop giving Gesina phenobarbital! With her dose at 1/2 pill at night, she was not taking enough to be at a therapeutic level and it's been nearly 2 months since her last decrease. No seizures but of course, a few moments that make you go "hmmm". When she's sleepy she does this odd eye open/close thing every now and then. I've only seen it about 3 times and it corrects itself as she either goes to sleep or wakes up. But either way, I don't see them as seizure activity and in a month I see her neurologist and I'll let him know. I'm hoping he'll want to repeat her EEG so we can see if they have changed at all. Her zonisimide is supposed to "normalize" her abnormal EEGs so I'm curious to see if that has happened. She started that med nearly a year ago so I sure hope so! Here she is as she stops to smell the wildflowers at daycare.


Gesina is also loving her water therapy. She is starting to kick the side of the pool with her feet and me or her therapist (whoever is with her in the pool at the time) exaggerate the effect that has on her body. Her PT says Gesina is very talkative in the water and loves to hear the chatter of the ladies doing water aerobics with her in the pool. Unfortunately for me, the recplex pool I take her to is not as warm as the therapy pool at the YMCA. This means within about 10 minutes in the water she is shivering and her little lips are blue! The other unfortunate thing is the recplex pool is child-oriented with slides and all kinds of waterpark features. For us this means that after being in the pool about 20 minutes, inevitably someone's little bundle of joy will $h!+ in the pool. I'm not saying that will not be Gesina some day, but note to self, swim diapers are always a good idea! Here's Gesina after the pool when she won't stop smiling; not even for me to clean and dress her!


More good news about the water therapy is that I've finally gotten one-on-one time with her PT. In the past we never crossed paths but now I can finally talk to her about what Gesina can do. Gesina is most active at night and has been known to, for months now, stand with my assistance. She stands by resting her arms and head on my shoulder. PT sees Gesina in the morning when she's knocked out from her Clonazapam and isn't capable of nearly as much. Well I've been able to talk to PT and show her some of the things I do with her. I've even gotten her to see Gesina needs a stander! Here she is in her new stander.



Just look at that head control! She's been so strong lately and good at keeping her head up more. I'm hoping she continues this string of successes because it is so FUN to watch! She's amazing, and I love her!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Summer!

Another long time no post but we have been thoroughly enjoying summer! I think the more stable Gesina's situation and my ability to function as her mother is, the less I blog. It's when things become really crazy and dramatic that I need the blog to "get it out". So the less you see from me, the better ;-) But for those out there following along, Gesina has taken the next step on weaning off of phenobarb and this time, no withdrawal symptoms! She only takes a half pill at night and we already know that she is now below the "therapeutic level". No more pheno fog and it shows! Gesina smiles in response to her environment!!! And she smiles a lot which so warms my heart. I was known as a smiley kid so to see Gesina repeat that is amazing... I have a smiley kid!!! Sorry for the exclamation points but to see her smile in response to Adrian, me or her many friends from Team Gesina just takes my breath away. I will admit that as I watched her in water therapy this morning cracking her smirky little smile at her physical therapist when she pushed with her feet off from the side of the pool I GOT MISTY EYED! I think I used to feel this amount of love for my first cat Yoshi once or twice but with Gesina, it's a million times stronger, comes out of nowhere and can take your breath away. For reference, this is Yoshi and yes, she was a cuddler:



You would think I had a pic of Gesina smiling but... ah... I'm too busy getting misty eyed to grab my phone. I'll work on getting one but in the mean time, here is Gesina getting ready to go outside at daycare. She is the coolest kid I know!


We are still pretty much seizure free (one minor episode when she was going to sleep one night but Neuro and I are not convinced it was a seizure so we are "keeping an eye out" in case it happens again). Gesina's wheelchair is taking forever but we are working on it. Next up is getting her in a stander because she has strong legs and does like to stand if I hold her head up. She loves going to the pool so I do that as much as I can. And vision-wise, she is making strides. Adrian ALMOST got her to laugh last night by swatting her light up balloon which startled her and then amused her. She also responded to him tickling her! She has ignored all tickling previously but is now starting to notice it. It's a fun time as she starts to notice and respond to her environment more. Here she is LOOKING at her toy.


I'll work on getting some more smiles in the photos for next time. Yay summer!

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Pneumonia

It's been a long time with no new posts but lots have been going on, including another hospitalization, still seizure free, and now, pneumonia.

The good - We are slowly weaning her off of phenobarbital which is one of her 3 seizure meds. It also makes her really sleepy so I'm hoping to see her more alert as those levels in her blood go down. So far, she hasn't had any seizures as a result of this and it's been 4 weeks at the reduced dose (33% less med than before). She had a fever spike and a few odd looking up moments during that spike, but not enough for me to call it an all out seizure AND if it were a seizure, it would be a febrile seizure and not likely caused by phenobarb. She did have a few withdrawal symptoms at first (moody, muscle twitching, and the crying, OMG, the crying!) but we worked through it. I'm pretty hopeful that we can ditch this med and move on with our lives. I don't want to jinx it, but we are 5 months seizure free!!! Here's Gesina at her papa's softball game.



The bad - Gesina had the breathing issues again which put us back into the hospital for a few days. She now has to have breathing treatments (5 a day and she doesn't like it) for the remainder of the spring "asthma" season. You have to be 2 years old to be considered asthmatic but Gesina is well on her way to that diagnosis. I'm not sure how to interpret that as she has spastic quad cerebral palsy, she won't be a terribly active kid. So how would asthma be triggered? But I'm sure some doctor will explain it all to me when we get there. She also got a cold (with a fever that spiked to 104 F in 10 minutes) that turned into pneumonia and she is currently fighting that. She is on 8 medications and alternating acetaminophen/Midol for fever or teething pain. Traditionally, I've always been a minimalist with medicine. I don't take it unless I have to and I get off of it as soon as possible. But with Gesina, well that's not a philosophy I can afford to take. When Gesina is sick, she demands to be held 24/7. I know people THINK they know what that means, but you really have no idea. If I set her down to get her meds, she screams. I can't get food for me (I eat ensure to avoid putting her down), she eats pediasure via tube because she is too uncomfortable to eat solids right now. I LOVE the cuddles, but also not-so-much love it... I had to buy a baby carrier so I can walk and use my arms because it has been a really long 2 weeks. She is getting better but these sick days come out of nowhere and pretty much demolish any plans I may have for the day/days ahead. Here she is, exhausted after a day of crying:


The "ugly" - I was so excited to have Gesina try chocolate chip cookies, here she is with her first bite!


She didn't like it... I'm left shaking my head wondering how, exactly, she could be my child. More cookies for me I guess. And here she is recovering from pneumonia. She would cry and cry and not go to sleep... until I went to feed her. Suddenly, she "fell" asleep. She is so sneaky!


Love this girl to pieces!!